4. 9. 1. Tomorrow's winning lottery numbers? The address to your new boyfriend's house? Wait, I got it - it's that three digit security number on the back of your credit card right? At the end of the day, they are simply three random numbers which may have a meaning to some, but nothing major.
To me, that is not the case.
The numbers "4. 9. 1." represent a very significant point in my life. It represents something that I often times can't believe. It represents the heaviest weight I have ever been in my life, as of two weeks ago: 4.9.1.
I've read a bunch of these blogs over the last few months, filled with people who beat themselves up (sometimes literally o_O) for getting to this kind of weight. The complete and utter self-hatred they have for themselves is astounding. I remember reading a post of this guy that had a lap-band surgery. He weight more than I did when he had it, yet he thought it would fix all of his problems. Four years later he has dropped 80 lbs...and then gained 40 of them back. His posts were full of how he would drive by a McDonald's, park in the parking lot, and cry for 15 minutes, utterly hating himself, before finally walking into the McDonald's to get a Big Mac. He further went on to write things in his blog like how he "didn't deserve to be happy because he was so overweight" or how "he knows his wife looks at him with no pride in her eyes, just contempt in her scowl". It was so completely dramatic I thought that there was an Academy Award involved at some point throughout his story.
I can tell you all one thing: You won't find any of that self-loathing shit here.
Don't get me wrong - I completely feel for the guy, and my heart goes out to him to find the strength within himself to realize he is loved, is beautiful, and can get through this. At the end of the day, however, I don't have any intentions of ever beating myself up to that extent because of a number on a scale. I've always been an upbeat, chipper, happy person (much to the annoyance of some friends, family, and co-workers alike ;-] ). I can't help it, though: I just take what I am given and make the most of it. I try to surround myself with people that accept me for who I am, love me for what I am, and encourage me to become the man I am destined to be.
With that said, you may be asking yourself, "why am I reading this person talk about his life?" Well, the answer is simple - you are reading this because you are either curious how someone got to 491 lbs, or more curious about what they are going to do about it. Well, I promise you one thing - I will do everything I can to let you into my life and provide some of these answers to you. Whether or not you choose to keep reading is your choice. I welcome your support, welcome your positive thoughts and encouragement. If you are here to be negative, or have anything negative to say, go ahead and move on because this is a blog full of LOVE not DRAMA :-).
Without further ado, I welcome you with me on my journey towards becoming a better (smaller), healthier me!
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